BOOK
by Hydra no Mago
Summary: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was my fault that you died. I killed you." A oneshot for LeviXEren. Angsty warning!


**BOOK**

Every book is different. Not only in their content, but the feel of each book is different. The way their spines jut out from the shelves, the texture of the covers, the embossing, the colours, the texts, the smell. The shuffling of feet, the flipping of paper, the silence of reading.

They are all pleasant sounds to me. They bring a sense of calm in this world of disaster. They make the whole place seem serene and homey. They take me away from this dimension, sending me to another place, another time. Sending me to a better place.

Living in a world where you could get killed, no, eaten every day is scary. It stresses the mind, stretches the body. It leaves marks behind, traumatic experiences that one will never forget. And those memories will come back, over and over again, haunting you. Mocking you. Your eyes will be wide open, your hands will clutch your head, you will open your mouth, but no sound will come out.

All you can hear is the own beat of your frantic heart coming to an end.

In this place, I can find peace. In this place, I can relax, even if it is only for a little while. In this place, you would be standing in front of the tall bookshelves, selecting a book with those piercing silver-blue eyes of yours. Judging, weighing, deciding. In a sense, you were like Anubis, an Egyptian god who is believed to weigh the worth of a human soul.

I stand here today, running my hand across the rows and rows of books that line these sturdy shelves. There were old parchments, forbidden books, occult readings, research materials, the list was endless. The whole place was like a wooden maze with no way out once you were too deep. But I had nothing to worry about. You knew the place like the back of your hand, there was no way I would get lost. The archives under Sina was nothing to you.

The spines of the books resembled a bumpy road, like the ones we encounter outside the walls. Luckily, our horses had been trained to walk on uneven terrains with great speed. They have saved our hides countless of times before. My fingers kept moving, my jade eyes scanning them. You once remarked that my eyes were grotesque. _"Way too large for your face."_ was what you said. To any other person, it may seem like you were openly insulting me. But I knew that was the only way you showed affection. You never did like to admit anything.

I continued running my fingers over the books. If memory serves correctly, that certain book was located somewhere around this area. It must be here. I remember it as clear as yesterday, the book you showed me. It had an old and torn cover, a dismembered spine, a thin red ribbon which served as a bookmark.

"_Hmm? Heichou, what are you reading?"_

"_Nothing, brat. Mind your own business."_

"_Eehhh... but I wanna see!"_

"_Tch, you have your own book haven't you? Go read it instead."_

"_But I don't like the ones with lots of words! Armin reads those!"_

"_Search for one with more pictures then."_

"_I'm interested in yours."_

"_Go away."_

"_No."_

"_Acting defiant now, aren't we?"_

"_Because someone won't share! Selfish!"_

"_Fine, fine. You can look. Anymore pouts from you and I'll empty the contents of my stomach."_

"_Yay!~ Thank you Heichou~!"_

"_Get off of me, you brat."_

Found it. Slowly and carefully for fear of damaging the book, I slowly pulled it out from the shelf, freeing it from being squeezed in with the others. It wasn't dusty like most of the other books since it was handled recently. Handled by those calloused hands that I love so much.

The cover was a bit plain. A white background (now turned yellowish by the passing of years) and a picture of a mirror which has been broken into two. I tossed the cover open, revealing yellowish pages. Some of the pictures in it were coloured in colours that still shone vibrantly.

"_What's it about?"_

"_You can't read, brat? I'm not surprised."_

"_Hey! I can read!"_

"_Really now?"_

"_...Just not that much..."_

"_Thought so."_

"_Argh, just tell me what it's about!"_

"_A mirror."_

"_A mirror?"_

"_Did I stutter?"_

"_N-no..."_

"_You are such a brat... It's about a girl and a guy. They loved each other, but the girl was forced to become the concubine of some rich idiot. So, the girl broke her precious mirror in half. She gave one of them to the guy she loved. If they were able to piece back the mirror, they were fated to be together."_

"_That's depressing. So what happened in the end?"_

"_A few years passed by. The girl was sad that the guy didn't find her yet. She would try to sell her half of the mirror, to try to meet her lover again, to no avail. She was about to give up. But her servant came bounding in, saying that someone wanted to buy the other half. In the end, the girl and the guy saw each other again. They went to meet up with the girl's master, begging him to let her go. The idiot rich guy agreed, and they lived happily ever after. The end."_

"_..."_

"_You scared shitless or what?"_

"_No, I just think that it's a very sweet story."_

"_Read too much of this shit and you'll get cavities." _

The last picture on the very last page of the book showed a happy couple. In their hands was the broken mirror, pieced together again. It was a happy ending. One that was sweet and romantic.

So why couldn't we have that?

Why are the fates so bent on keeping us apart? Why do they grab you away from me? Why can't they just leave us alone?

"_Eren, Eren! Eren! Can you hear me?! Eren!"_

"_Levi, is he okay?"_

"_No, shitty-glasses! He's definitely not okay! Eren! Wake up, Eren!"_

"_Levi, we gotta go! There's still a few of them swarming around!"_

"_Like hell I care! Eren, come on! Wake up, Eren, wake up!"_

"_Levi Heichou! Watch out!"_

It was my fault. My fault. It was all my fault. It was my fault that you died. If I hadn't been so careless, if I hadn't lost control over my titan, if I hadn't gave in to that stupid monster, if I woke up sooner, if I woke up sooner. If I did, you wouldn't be dead. You wouldn't have been eaten by that stupid titan. You wouldn't be dead.

You wouldn't be dead.

It was my fault.

My fault that you died.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

If only I could turn back time, I would. I miss you, Levi. 1 miss you so much, it's killing me. And I know I don't deserve you. I know it, but it doesn't stop the pain from spreading. It doesn't help with the guilt. It doesn't help stop the tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

The cold metal pressed against my neck was quite the comfort. I shut my eyes tightly, grabbing the weapon carefully.

Please forgive me.

* * *

**I apologize for the angst and the part where Eren killed himself. Just wanted to make it happen somehow.  
Anyway, thank you all for reading! I hope you have enjoyed this fic! Please fav/review if you think it's worth it and want me to write more stories like these in the future. **  
**Also, please check out my other fics if you have liked this! **  
**Thank you!**


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